Bobby notes that it is essential to have EMPATHY for others. It’s a way of saying, “I feel your hurt.” Yet, he also points out that people who are engaged with this E-Book take a step further. He calls this COMPASSION – much more profound than empathy. It’s saying, “I feel your hurt and I am going to do something about it.” This encourages everyone to turn thoughts and feelings into actions, which are so essential to a cancer patient’s journey.
April 20, 2023
“How to Support Someone with Cancer” by Cancer Research UK
An article written by Cancer Research UK provides tips on how to best provide emotional and moral support for a friend or loved one that has been diagnosed with cancer. The article gives you important things to remember when speaking to someone with cancer, do’s and don’ts, and ways that you can be practically supportive to someone during their time of need.
Things to Remember:
- Try not to assume how this person is feeling- every person with cancer has a different experience
- They might not want to talk about their cancer all the time- remember to have normal conversations or sharing a joke
- Respect their need for privacy or quiet time- a cancer diagnosis can be mentally and physically tolling
Emotions they might be feeling:
- Anger
- Sadness
- Grief
- Uncertainty
- Fear
- Guilt
- Frustration
- Isolation
- Resentment
Do:
- Send a card, note, text, or call them saying that you are thinking of them
- Be available- let it be clear that you will be there for them whenever they need, not just when it is convenient for you
- Offer support through the entire diagnosis- beginning, middle, and end
- Keep your relationship as balanced and as normal as possible
Don’t:
- Say that you know how they feel- we can never truly know how they feel and what they are going through
- Tell them to “be strong” or “stay positive”- this puts pressure on them to behave a certain way
- Take things personally if they are not acting as usual
- Offer advice that they haven’t asked for
Practical Support:
Sometimes actions can speak louder than words. Doing even little things can make a huge difference to someone fighting this illness. Remember that each person deals with their diagnosis differently, and they might want to remain as independent as possible. This request for independence must be respected.
Ideas for practical support:
- Offer to help them with their shopping
- Make some meals that they can keep in their freezer
- Offer to drive them to appointments/treatment
- Offer to drive children to and from school
- Drop by whenever appropriate for a chat, but make sure to ask before a visit
- Run any errands they might need to do
- Help clean up/do chores around the house
April 17, 2023
The Canadian Cancer Society’s Take on How to Respond
In an article written by the Canadian Cancer Society, “7 Things to Say (and not to Say) to Someone Living with Cancer,” various patients and community members provided insight on what to say to a loved one living with cancer. Here are some tips they provide:
- Avoid saying: “I know how you feel” and replace it with: “I can’t possibly know how you feel, but I’m here to support you”
- Avoid saying: “Relax” and replace it with: “Waiting is the worst”
- Avoid saying: “Let me know if I can help” and replace it with: “I’m bringing you some pre-prepared meals today”
- Avoid saying: “It’ll be okay” and replace it with: “I love you” or “I’m with you every step of the way”
- Avoid saying: “Stay positive” and replace it with: “Let me help you seek out the positive”
- Avoid saying: “You can fight this battle!” and replace it with: “I hope you’re back doing the things you love soon”
- Avoid: oversharing about your own life and replace it with: listening and saying nothing at all
This is easier said than done, but it really does make a difference for a cancer patient. Sometimes our actions are overbearing without us even realizing it. It is important to take all tips and apply them to make the best of an awful situation.
https://cancer.ca/en/about-us/stories/2022/7-things-to-say-with-someone-with-cancer
March 29th, 2023
Another Story: “How You Doin’?”
Joe Bullock, a stage 3b colorectal cancer survivor, shared his experience with cancer in one of his blog articles titled “’How You Doin’?’ Can Be a Tricky Question to Ask Someone with Cancer.” After being a caregiver for his father during his battle with prostate cancer, he described how he did not need to ask his father how he was doing because he could tell in his face. He would eventually respond to doctors when they asked how his father was doing because the question “how are you doing” became too much of an ask for the patient. When you have cancer, being asked this question can feel almost silly.
When Bullock was diagnosed with cancer at age 50, he explained that his GI doctor “didn’t ask how [he] was doing nor how [he] felt about being diagnosed with cancer. He would say three simple words to [Bullock] that day that would change [his] cancer journey immensely at the time. Those three words were ‘I got you,’ as [the doctor] laid out a plan of action for [Bullock].” Affirmations, without even being excessively positive, can make all the difference for a cancer patient. Bullock said these words changed his cancer journey forever, and thus how he would treat others with cancer in the future.
He ends his blog post by saying that “next time instead of asking a cancer patient ‘How you doing?’ Jusk ask ‘How can I help you?’ Sometimes they just need you to be in that moment with them. Just reach out a hand and tell them that ‘I got you and I’m here for you.’” Just like Bobby says: actions as simple as cooking a meal, or driving a friend with cancer to chemo, make a difference. After all, you know how your friend with cancer is doing. Next time instead of asking them that question, simply show them you care.
https://www.curetoday.com/view/-how-you-doin-can-be-a-tricky-question-to-ask-someone-with-cancer